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Got
a problem?
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Dear Birdman,
I'm scared to ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point. I feel
left out when my friends go without me, but when I do go I just get
made fun of and end up sitting around by myself much of the time.
Do you have any advice as to how I might conquer my fears?
Sincerely,
06/20/07
Kari |
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Dear Kari,
I used to be
in the exact same boat! I was always super scared to ride The
Magnum, but then one day I slept with Winona Ryder.
Actually, that probably isn't the most helpful advice. Let me try
again. I'm not really an "expert" in
"roller-coaster-science-ology" or anything, but I feel confident in
saying that the rides at Cedar Point are at least as safe as a knife
fight with a trained Russian circus bear. Probably safer. I
mean, if a trained Russian circus bear insulted your mama what would
you do? You'd grab a knife and jump straight in its cage and cut
it to ribbons just as soon as look at it, right?! Well you've got
to come at those coasters the same way: armed and without reason,
because the moment they smell weakness it's POW! into Lake Erie with
your ass while they sneak off behind the Mean Streak with your date.
Sincerely,
Birdman
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Any names present
have been changed to protect the identity of our pen-pals.
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